Tell Me Why: “Stop comparing yourself with others” is Loosely Held and a Rant on Comparison
Compare.Learn.Grow
Here is a snippet from a story. Person A is tremendously dejected with the outcome of his recent work. He had given his all into curating that piece of work. It could be his professional project or his personal hobby that he directs his creative juices into. The nature of work is immaterial. His work did not receive the anticipated outcome. This made him question the worthiness of his work. One of the biggest mountains to move when encountered with self-doubt is the question of, “Am I good enough?”. This feeling further intensifies when Person B emerges more successful than him. The first thing that we tell ourselves is, “Stop comparing yourself with others.” But maybe we need to compare ourselves for unearthing the ground reality, if not at once, but at least after the dust has settled.
Multiple factors attributed to person B’s success, but the contribution of his skill would be principal. More than often, we deduce others rose to heights out of sheer luck. This superficial conclusion is one of the easiest ways we trick our minds into bringing solace to ourselves. Though this might bring momentary relief to us, we must understand the BTS (Behind-the-scenes), which often goes unnoticed. Here is the iceberg theory.
Why Compare
Self-awareness
No one is omniscient. Everyone is a learner who is trying to upskill their trade. It is quite possible that there were many significant factors that one is unaware of. These aspects of our work can be understood only by observing the creations of others in the same space and comparing our work against theirs. When we are trying to dissect the work of others and study them to understand their strengths, we learn a lot about our weaknesses.
We can reach conclusions that look like, “Person B is good at this particular aspect which I am not” or “Person B uses this technique which I need to learn for better results.”
It is highly possible that we knew about these refinements, but we brushed them off as they seemed insignificant, or we were genuinely unaware of the existence of such aspects or methods.
A comparison should result in a positive outcome that will aid you in assessing your shortcomings and invigorating your endeavour.
Standards
No matter at which level of expertise one is at, maybe a beginner or an expert, we need some benchmark or standard to which we need to compare our work to assess the worthiness and quality of the project. We obviously do not want to deliver a sub-standard quality of work. But how do we actually know what is substandard, and how do we know if we have met the expected standards? But most importantly, we need to set standards for ourselves that are drawn by observing others in the industry or comparing our current work to our past projects.
But is the comparison even valid in the first place? What do I mean by the validity of comparison?
Everyone has embarked on their own journey and has their timelines. It is an act of sheer folly to compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 10. They have trodden more than you originally have, and hence they would naturally be more adept. Isn’t that the sound theory that backs the idea of categorizing? Look out for someone who falls under the same bucket as yours. We can marvel at the work of others to either pick up ques from it or feel incompetent about our creations.
We cannot completely rule out despair and dissatisfaction that might sprout from comparison. I once came across this quote that has remained since then.
“All human experience is one hundred percent self-created.”
Any external stimuli can either break you down or build you up. It is the same stimuli, but your attitude towards it makes everything go uphill or downhill. All we can ever control is our internal reaction to the external stimuli; Never the external stimuli.
It is alright if you are not good enough today, but is what is not okay is staying stagnant because you are not good enough.
I know it daunting to tackle the feeling of incompetence that arises. But hey! Remember, you are not alone. Here are a few ways to handle yourself gracefully when encountering the bullet of self-doubt.
Even a Pawn Can Become a Queen
In the game of chess, the pawn is the least powerful. He is considered a scapegoat for bigger meat. But when the game is in a dire strait, he can move one step at a time from one end of the board to the other to eventually become a Queen. Moving one step at a time to reach the other end seems like it is an eternity. But isn’t it all worth it at the end of the process? We all start off small. We all need to start from the ground up and build our way through. The pawn doesn’t have it easy when trying to make it to the other end, especially given his limitations. But it’s all part of the game. Being reluctant to even set out to the other end is even more hopeless than taking one step at a time to eventually becoming a Queen. All that matters is that one step.
The other reason our work may not satisfy us or amass the results we look forward to can be because of incomplete exploration. This is relevant especially when you are in the nascent stages and are an amateur. There is no shame in being an amateur who just began branching out. What if we were actually moving in the wrong direction all along? I am not saying that we need to make a 180-degree paradigm shift. But maybe budging slightly from our current routes can result in magnifying the positive outcome. Let me break it down.
Suppose you have an interest in art and begin making portraits. After plying your way, you do not hit those benchmarks that you set for yourself; then, it is probable that portrait isn’t your cup of tea. Yes, you are indeed passionate about art, but every chef has his signature dish that he excels at. Try landscapes, for instance. It is undoubtedly an arduous process of trial and error. Explore various alternative art forms and styles. If nothing pleases you, then create one! It is analogous to watering a garden, but all you are doing is watering the weeds or barren land and then expecting blooms. But the conclusion that we draw is not to stop watering the garden, but to sow the seeds and then water!
Antifragility
Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder is a book by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. It is one of the most vouched for books by revered non-fiction readers and authors. Here is the extract from the book.
“Some things benefit from shocks; they thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors and love adventure, risk, and uncertainty. Yet, in spite of the ubiquity of the phenomenon, there is no word for the exact opposite of fragile. Let us call it antifragile. Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.”
This book explores in depth the gradations of growing stronger with every blow and maybe you should give it a read.
Happy growing!
